DONT YOU JUST HATE IT when you’re looking for a greetings card and all you can find is over-sentimental claptrap that uses language which would be over the top in a Mills & Boon novel - and which is guaranteed to induce nausea in the average British recipient? Yet somehow you convince yourself that those sickly words are exactly what you need to say - so you pay an inflated price for a ludicrous verse churned out by some depressed, guilt-ridden American VEGETARIAN DIVORCEE, only to get it home and realise you’re too embarrassed to send it. So you go out again to try and buy something humorous - a clever and witty birthday card that’s original and entertaining, whilst simultaneously subtle and thought provoking...yet this time you find it even tougher. Somehow though, amidst a myriad of farty, shaggy, smelly, boozy, underpant greetings cards that were conceived by a group of fourteen year olds drinking SPECIAL EXPORT behind the bike sheds, you decide that ‘The beginners guide to poo’ is precisely the birthday card you’re looking for, so you hand over more hard-earned cash and head home...the doubts beginning to occur to you before you’ve got back to the car: is your mother really going to want to know about the ‘raisin blip’ or the ‘SWEETCORN SLUSH PUPPY’? Maybe not. Fortunately there are still a couple of greetings card shops you haven’t visited and it’s an hour until the post goes, so you head back to the precinct to find a birthday card that’s just right for your elderly mother. Oh dear. It’s all so depressing : paintings of flowers, endless pictures of what life was like before the war, with words that imply ‘Never mind, you’re nearly dead anyway’ - oh and the inevitable gaudy, glittery card with an ‘I AM 80’ BADGE. This time you walk out without even purchasing a birthday card at all. Maybe you shouldn’t bother with a card - just send her some flowers instead. But wait, there’s one greetings card shop you haven’t been to. You called in once before and they had Christmas cards, anniversary cards and birthday cards with intelligently witty words by that company with the funny name. They weren’t crude, they weren’t patronising and they made you laugh. WHAT WAS THEIR NAME ... ?